Press "Enter" to skip to content

Ask Annie

During our latest reader focus group, a number of our regular subscribers expressed concern that we do not engage enough with our audience. Putting aside the ridiculous assertion that our audience consists of a group of people who want to be “engaged with”, we at the Authority Directorate would like to better recognize the value of connecting directly with our readers, not only to make them more aware of our mission, but to make ourselves more aware of important things like:

  • Do people like us?
  • Are they willing to prove it by asking us questions?

We here at The Authority love the news, but, to our average reader, the news constitutes but a small fraction of their day to day life. This is our way of infiltrating that non-news related time. It would be selfish for the Authority Directorate to attempt to stifle the abundance of wisdom that flows from our token female and webmaster, Annie Nonimous. Therefore, the Directorate have decided to move ahead with a new service to The Public called Ask Annie.

This new and exciting section will answer user-submitted questions. These questions can range from simple, everyday problems such as “Why do birds not fly too high?” to more complicated and nuanced inquiries, for example, “Why did she leave me?”, or “How do birds know when it is too high to be flying?”.

To ask a question, simply fill out the form, including your credit card number, expiration date, and security code at the bottom, if you are so inclined. Do it. Now.